Recently, I had a conversation with someone who insisted that his "facts were 100% accurate."
We all do this.
Our opinion is right, and we find whatever factual context we can to back it up. There is nothing wrong with this. The only point of contention here is that in this search for facts, we should eagerly look at the other side's facts as well.
And this is where it breaks down.
Usually, if we hear the other side's argument, we are either only half listening, or listening solely to argue. Or we are hearing their side skewed through a website or news outlet with a bias or agenda.
You see, we all have facts.
We all have truths.
As Bruce Van Horn stated, "one of the most important trips a man can make is that involved in meeting the other fellow halfway."
A good exercise I heard once is to sit with a few other people and have each person tell an experience. Any kind of experience. The one I was a part of asked us to speak of something that brings us conflict currently. A situation, a person, etc. These stories are supposed to simply be the facts, not coloured with observation - just what is happening. The other folks listen to this story. While listening, you don't think about what story you are going to tell. You just listen. (This is really hard!) You don't ask questions. You don't give verbal cues; you just listen.
Then, at the end, you share what you visualized, or what from each story stuck out to you.
It's a powerful exercise.
Each time we enter into a discussion with anyone, we really need to flip our objective. Too often we start a conversation with the goal to persuade the other side, or at least to defend our side.
Our true goal should be to gain knowledge. We should enter into every discussion with our minds open to being changed, challenged, or converted.
In order to take this step, we have to realize that the other person holds truth as well as you do.
Let us meditate upon the words of Frederick Ward Kates:
Beauty I have learned from the ugly, charity from the unkind and peace from the turmoil of the world.
We all do this.
Our opinion is right, and we find whatever factual context we can to back it up. There is nothing wrong with this. The only point of contention here is that in this search for facts, we should eagerly look at the other side's facts as well.
And this is where it breaks down.
Usually, if we hear the other side's argument, we are either only half listening, or listening solely to argue. Or we are hearing their side skewed through a website or news outlet with a bias or agenda.
You see, we all have facts.
We all have truths.
As Bruce Van Horn stated, "one of the most important trips a man can make is that involved in meeting the other fellow halfway."
A good exercise I heard once is to sit with a few other people and have each person tell an experience. Any kind of experience. The one I was a part of asked us to speak of something that brings us conflict currently. A situation, a person, etc. These stories are supposed to simply be the facts, not coloured with observation - just what is happening. The other folks listen to this story. While listening, you don't think about what story you are going to tell. You just listen. (This is really hard!) You don't ask questions. You don't give verbal cues; you just listen.
Then, at the end, you share what you visualized, or what from each story stuck out to you.
It's a powerful exercise.
Each time we enter into a discussion with anyone, we really need to flip our objective. Too often we start a conversation with the goal to persuade the other side, or at least to defend our side.
Our true goal should be to gain knowledge. We should enter into every discussion with our minds open to being changed, challenged, or converted.
In order to take this step, we have to realize that the other person holds truth as well as you do.
Let us meditate upon the words of Frederick Ward Kates:
Beauty I have learned from the ugly, charity from the unkind and peace from the turmoil of the world.
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